I have thought about this a thousand times. Burn the ships. Then I hesitate. Then I picture in my mind's eye what the flames look like. My heart races. My palms are sweaty. I feel a little nauseous. So I put down the matches.
All of this is a metaphor of course. I am not a pyromaniac. Not a firebug. I don't have a desire to burn anything down, physically. What I want, leave behind the part of my life that brings pain and frustration. Wipe it all out and start fresh, with wisdom and perspective that comes with age and experience.
What am I talking about REALLY? Stop with the "vague booking". Veiled comments looking for sympathy and sympathetic comments.
Rip that damn bandage off. Remove the scales. So here goes.
I have said it for a couple of years now. Just unfriend, unfollow. Never think of them. Don't stalk their page, post, or blog. Then my dad said recently, totally out of character for his Dr. Spoke like logical non-emotional demeanor, "Get on with it already, you have been saying you are going to do that for years"
OUCH. hot tears burst from my eyes. My throat was tight and my jaw suddenly hurt. Nausea welled up from my belly and I was in total flight mode.
He was right. Get on with it already. Best advice ever.
I know what I need to do. I know why I need to do it.
WHY oh WHY is it still so hard to just burn it? The FRIEND-SHIPS.
Why is it so hard to say goodbye, and close the door on friendships that you thought would last forever? To stop following on social media. Click "unfollow " and then UNFRIEND.
It's because I was taught early on, to not burn bridges (in this case ships). After all, you never know if you have to cross it again. Well fuck that. Yup. I have a potty mouth. Fuck that advice.
"They" didn't mean to be mean. NEWS FLASH
Yes, they did. If they didn't, they wouldn't.
We have all heard it. "If they want to, they will. If they don't they won't". THIS is good advice and true. Best advice.
I do it. I'm guilty.
If I don't want to answer my phone. I don't If I don't want to respond to a text - I don't
Epiphany - I guess they burnt the ships - with me, first.
Why am I sharing all of this? Well, I am burning the friendships. Awe - see what I did there -
They are burning. Maybe I can help you strike that match too.
Grown ass woman playing with matches.
Do you think there will be flames, or just the smell of sulfur and then quiet? In real terms, what would you do? What did you do? Would you do the same again?
I would love to hear from you.